if you came across this post it is meant for you.
Although I've yet to find my true flow and purpose with blogging, I always try to speak authentically from my heart to touch someone else. That's the goal - always. Whenever I feel inspired, I act on it immediately because it's my calling to do so. This is a first-hand account of my thoughts in a moment of vulnerability, confusion, and isolation. I decided to share these exact thoughts with you, because I'm not perfect and I'm proud of that. Someone out there needs confirmation that they are not alone, and this is for them.
Sunday, February 14 - 03:21:00 PM
"im not sure where this message is going to go, how long it’s going to be, or what im going to say. i just want to express my feelings because i feel like no one truly understands how it feels to be me. and that’s okay because it’s no one’s job but mine to understand how it feels to be me. ill start by admitting i entered a period of my life where i lacked self identity, which is okay ... right? the growth is one thing, but the process along the way is another. i tried relationships in order to figure out what dating and relationships entail. i hoped to find “my person” and truly experience something at a young age. or maybe even find out things about myself through interactions with other people. “why?”, because it’s the trend. everyone has someone. if not one, then multiple people they’re being entertained by. most people would assume it’d be easy for me to get any guy ... and that truly is so far from the truth. i tried it, and got lost along the way. every thing, person, or experience i tried - disappointed me. whether it be communication, effort, honesty ... i began to question who i am as a young woman. “am i boring?” “am i just a pretty face” “am i not compatible” “am i too uptight” “am i too nice” “is it because im not sexually active”... i couldn’t figure out what i was doing wrong. i believed there was no way possible for every situation i tried to fail ... so i believed that it had to be my fault or something wrong with me. with that, came insecurities, trust issues, and me second guessing how confident about myself i should really be. for so long, I could never understand what it was about guys. i gave the wrong people access to me who truly didn’t deserve it. me trying to see the potential in people and give them the chances i didn’t owe them. for so long, i began to think relationships were not for me. that im too unapproachable, and for the people that did take interest and actual action in pursuing me ... they don’t respect all that i had to offer. through all of that, i realized i lacked self identity. that for so long i had been trying to secure, confirm, and validate my confidence and happiness through someone else. that i had been trying to find my “someone” when i had not even found “myself” yet. i don’t know what i want, what i like, or even what’s best for me as a single, independent young woman.
life has so much to offer, and i have nothing but time and the grace of god before me. the world is gigantic and there are over a billion people out there just waiting. love doesn’t hurt you - a person that doesn’t know how to love you will. so don’t you ever question yourself as the queen or king that you are. don’t ever question your potential and what you bring to the table as the young individual you are. you are an intellectual. you are beautiful - inside and out. you are invigorating and mysterious. you are a thinker. you are wondrous. you are spiritual. your body is a temple of value and soulfulness.
i am a multifaceted woman. i am intricate and mysterious in ways that require time, energy, effort, and attention to be able to understand. i offer more than physical appeasement or a pretty face. and until you affirm those values about yourself, nothing you pursue will align because the higher power will not accept it for you. love begins internally. iamlove. iloveme."
Thank you for reading.